Do you ever think about someone you had a fight, or negative experience with months, or even years later?
You see them, or their social media. You run into them and wonder how they feel, what they think about you, whether they’re also still thinking about what happened. You wonder if they’re mad, if seeing you puts a sour taste in their mouth. If you’ve had this experience, then we might have something in common, and maybe this post can shine a little light on the scenario.
A few years ago I had to make peace with the fact that I am a very sensitive person. It’s just how I’m wired, and things simply affect me more than others. I assign more significance to certain events than most, and I hold onto things much longer than necessary. What has recently, and finally become very clear to me is that the majority of people simply don’t. A small part of me envies that.
A little over 2 years ago I promised a friend that I would send him a postcard. As I promised, I sent it, but he never got it. When I called him, he didn’t really sound like he believed that I had sent it at all. Things kind of went south because of that. It was a long distance friendship. We lost touch. Every time I looked at his Instagram all I could think of was how he was mad at me and how he thinks I’m a liar. How every time he sees my posts, he must instantly feel annoyed and be reminded that I am not a man of my word. I was so caught up in my head I didn’t realize he wasn’t even following me
Two years later we sorta reconnected, and me being me, the postcard was the first thing I brought up. He barely remembered it and said it was a long time ago and that he had more than moved on.
I clearly hadn’t. I felt bad over a mistake most likely caused by the post office, and gave it so much importance. It was a fucking card. But I couldn’t let it go, cuz I thought it had some significance to him, only to find out it didn’t.
Then, all of a sudden I had a CTJ moment…
Nobody cares as much as I think.
Ok, the majority of people don’t. It was just me, all along. I was beating myself up, overthinking and holding onto something I should have let go of a looooong time ago. Everyone is just living their lives. Day in, and day out. Things happen, people move on, get busy and focus on things that are important to them, and actually right in front of them. Rather than things that are months or years in the past. We all have so much going on in our own lives every single day in this ever-so-hectic world. Our values and priorities are all so very different and what matters to me often doesn’t matter to you. That’s just a fact. I see it even in my closest friendships. We are all so busy and caught up in our own shit that sometimes it’s hard to have the energy for someone else’s shit. And that’s ok. It’s just the way it is.
What hit me even harder was, while I think it’s ok to be sensitive, it’s a whole ‘nother thing to think others spend so much time and energy thinking about me. It’s actually quite arrogant. That’s what really shocked me; realizing that that was my narrative.
It was one of those slaps in the face that I didn’t expect, but when it happened, it was all so eye-opening. It didn’t stop there. The lesson was so much bigger, it reminded me of the importance of letting go, about moving on, about living in the moment, not living in the past, about allowing myself and others to make mistakes, and also about being kind to myself and others when we make those mistakes, because none of us are perfect.
So stop overplaying those old records in your head. Stop wasting time and energy. No one is watching your every move. Let go. Live now. And do you, because nobody cares as much as you think.